Actually, all emotions do have a basis in reality, and feelings are facts, fleeting though they may be. (being difficult; being dramatic, in a bad mood, tired, etc) It's nothing to get upset over. I didnt think I was telling them what they were feeling was wrong, I thought I was passing on what I had learned.
But trying to dress an emotional wound, with logic tends to either confuse, sadden or infuriate a person. Things such as: When you find yourself thinking a negative thought Ill never Im not No one turn it around and say the opposite I will I am One or many . Or how about not dwelling on the things you cant change, focus on those things in your control? Sad, Confused, Scared Mom I met someone once who said her boyfriend was jealous. She said she tells him he has no reason to be jealous!
A healthier response, one which is both informative and assertive, without being aggressive, is to simply express your feelings clearly and concisely. So she probably just tried to tell them not to feel how they were feeling.
For example, you might respond, "I feel invalidated," "I feel mocked," or "I feel judged." One factor common to most people who self-injure, whether they were abused or not, is invalidation. Parents, like teachers and many others, get accustomed to telling people what to do and having them do it.
They were taught at an early age that their interpretations of and feelings about the things around them were bad and wrong. So I suppose they think they can tell someone how to feel and, then like magic, that will work, too.
They learned that certain feelings weren't allowed. Now I am wondering,..someone says, "Don't think so much," how does one do that?
This is because I can tell they don't take me and my feelings very seriously. His wife was there to meet us so she could drive us back up to the top of the hill. As the four of us were standing there a woman named Sue came up with a big smile on her face. One day I expect there will be research which proves that children who did not feel understood by their parents, teachers, parents' friends, etc. It is not a right, it is not something nice to have. When our needs go unmet one incident at a time, for years and years, we and society all suffer. I wondered if her boss told her that if she left, she couldn't come back. As I waited, small signals from her caused me to feel even more discouraged.
I see that they are not going to do anything to help prevent what it is that I am worried about. That is ridiculous (nonsense, totally absurd, etc.) I was only kidding. She gave a warm hello to the couple, then asked the boy, "How's school, mate? What's worse is that when he gave them a golden opportunity to understand him and his world, he was completely invalidated, then completely ignored. She seemed as athletic as the father, which makes sense of course. Again I feel guilty because I did not say anything. I say this one incident says a lot about their parenting style and about how children are psychologically invalidated every day. are among the most self-destructive or socially destructive adults. Last night I went to visit someone while she was at work. Then she seemed to notice my mood and asked me what I was thinking.
A good guideline is: People with high IQ and low EQ tend to use logic to address emotional issues. This tends to alienate people and diminish their potential. So when they felt bad or angry I tried to help them find a way to make themselves feel better.On the other hand, going on the offensive often escalates the conflict or puts us in the position of trying to change another person. Her father was an alcoholic and her parents were divorced when she was 17.One sign of both high self-esteem and high EQ is the absence of either of these defensive responses. Her mother probably tried to deal with her children's unhappiness by saying things like "Don't think so much" and "Don't look so sad." Her mother probably felt responsible and powerless to help them feel better.The emotional processes which worked for him as a child may begin to work against him as an adult. of Duke University supports the idea that invalidation leads to mental health problems. We read books by smart people doctors, spiritual leaders, researcher, experts, etc. To learn more about something I know very little about from someone who is more knowledgeable than I? I believe no other person can MAKE you feel a certain way unless you let them.In fact, one definition of the so-called "borderline personality disorder" is "the normal response of a sensitive person to an invalidating environment" (Psychiatrist R. Laing said that when we invalidate people or deny their perceptions and personal experiences, we make mental invalids of them. He writes "...a history of emotion invalidation (i.e., a history of childhood psychological abuse and parental punishment, minimization, and distress in response to negative emotion) was significantly associated with emotion inhibition (i.e., ambivalence over emotional expression, thought suppression, and avoidant stress responses). - people with more experience who were passing on their knowledge so that we could live a little smarter, maybe a little easier. So I learned many things: Moms mantra when we were upset was You can choose to be happy or choose to be sad, either way is a choice. If Im feeling stressed I try some different relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, turning up the radio super loud and singing in the car or dancing at home, count my blessings, or simply look at the beauty of the world around me.